Is your child making the right decisions?
When presented with 2 possible solutions to a problem, can most children be trusted to make the right choice? We explore some simple techniques to build better decision-making skills in children from an early age.
A few years ago on a flight to LA, Myelin’s founder, Manoj, struck a conversation with his neighbor, a German. While discussing Indian work culture, Manoj’s fellow passenger said, “Indians are excellent employees. They’re hardworking, sincere, and respectful. To their misfortune, they simply don’t make decisions.”
The conversation progressed and they abandoned this particular subject. Manoj, however, found his thoughts revisiting a single comment his German friend made: Indians don’t make decisions.
Months later, Manoj would find himself acutely observing, and eventually realizing, that Indians indeed struggled with decisions. In his day-to-day interactions with professionals across the board, he realized most of us were at peace waiting for an instruction. Whether it was a result of complacency or a lack of conviction, Manoj made up his mind to do something about it. This is how his brainchild, Myelin, came into being; a platform to build the decision-makers of the future.
Can something that sounds as abstract as ‘decision-making’ really be a core skill? The answer is quite simple: yes.
Critical Thinking and Everyday Decisions
Let’s begin by examining a fairly academic term: Critical Thinking. The term ‘critical thinking’ gets thrown into conversations revolving around academics a lot. In fact, a form of this called ‘critical reasoning’ gets its own, exclusive section in Indian competitive exams for management. Ironically, the deeply academic characterization of critical thinking makes it seem more theoretical than practical.
Critical thinking is the ability of introspective and independent thinking. Critical thinking requires a strong desire to question and reason before arriving at a decision.
Critical thinkers examine ideas, arguments, and findings from multiple angles before accepting them. They also tend to lean less on instinct and “gut feeling”.
Critical thinking is the ability of introspective and independent thinking. Critical thinking requires a strong desire to question and reason before arriving at a decision.
The average adult makes close to 35,000 decisions every day. We would be mentally exhausted if we needed to critically assess every problem in order to trust we’ve made the right choice. If our past record boasts of successful decisions–a consequence of critical thinking–we’re likely to make the right decisions even while on “autopilot”.
When the practice of critical thinking is encouraged at an early age, it becomes second nature.
Let’s say a child suffering from a sore throat has to choose between drinking hot soup or eating her favorite chocolate ice cream which is sitting prettily in the fridge. It might take her a significant time to arrive at the conclusion that the soup will be a better choice since it’ll help her recover faster, thereby allowing her to eat ice cream soon without worrying about falling sicker. After being faced with a series of similar conundrums, she will find making the right decision less of a critical thinking exercise. It’ll become second nature. Such conditioning over time makes decision-making easier. Decision-making becomes a result of thinking critically about a problem and making a successful choice over and over again.
The problems younger children face are far less complex. If they critically think about smaller problems and solutions, they can move on to more complex problems as they grow older. They can trust their ability to make successful choices on less complex matters since they have displayed successful decision-making in the past.
Decision-Making and Cognitive Development
The responsibility of making the right choices can be overwhelming especially if you’ve displayed a tendency to make unsuccessful choices. A way to overcome this is to instill a discipline of thinking critically and making informed choices from a young age.
There are 3 primary contributors to enhanced decision-making abilities[1]:
- Cognitive development
- Contextual influence
- Real-world challenges
During the adolescence period, many cognitive abilities like decision-making, judgment, planning, thinking, etc are still developing as a result of a still-developing pre-frontal cortex, i.e. the executing center of the brain.
It is then unsurprising that children of all ages often rely on others — peers, teachers, coaches, and parents alike — to make decisions. This makes the development of good decision-making abilities a collective effort of children and those closest to them.
Studies show that parenting styles have a significant effect on the decision-making abilities of children. If parents are stricter and stress on a rigid discipline, their children grow up to be poorer decision-makers. They feel less competent to make the right decision and trust their parents to know what’s best for them. If parents are more liberal with their children, but meet bad decisions with severe punishment, they will still shy away from taking ownership of their decisions. This also applies to teachers.
Teachers and parents can together create an environment conducive to better decision-making by children. It is simply a matter of collaboration.
Raising Good Decision-Makers
Raising good decision makers does not merely mean saying, “Do what you think is right.” Instead, it is a gradually evolving process of handing over the reins to the child. Simply put, as the child grows older, parents must systematically take a step back.
When children make good decisions, they gain confidence and a sense of accomplishment. If children make bad decisions, they learn important life lessons.
Some simple at-home ways to help children become better decision-makers are:
- Teach them decision-making steps
Children can be encouraged to evaluate what decision needs to be made, what the options are, which option is better, and what could happen if the choice made is wrong. - Consult with them for simple decisions
Parents and teachers can greatly encourage children to make decisions by asking them to opine. For example, a sports coach can ask the students what would be the fairest way to create teams for the next football game. Parents can ask their children if they think watching a movie on an exam night is a good idea, and check what they say. - Allow them to make smaller decisions (Do not interfere)
Decision-making can be difficult. Chances are, most children will make some woefully poor decisions. That’s alright. But adults must understand that the chances of children making the right decisions are equal if not more likely. It’s important to allow children to make a few simple decisions on their own so that, when the outcome is rewarding, they feel a complete sense of ownership of their decisions.
For example, teachers can allow students to take charge of putting up a short class play all on their own. Allowing them to write, practice, and manage the short play without interfering will help them work as a team, debate, delegate, and put up a show that is entirely their own. - Encourage children to set goals
Help children identify short-term and long-term goals. Planning for and achieving goals is an important life-skill. Hence, encouraging children to practice this at a young age will teach them the importance of focus, determination, perseverance, and introspection. - Allow for exploration of interests
Teachers and parents can allow children to decide which co-curricular and extra-curricular activities they would like to participate in. For example, if a child wants to take up an Indian classical dance, parents and teachers can encourage them to find out how many years of training are required, how much time would they need to dedicate weekly, and how disciplined would they need to be.
How Myelin helps raise good decision-makers
As we’ve discussed, good decision-making develops with the prefrontal cortex. Essentially, sustained development of intelligence and emotional quotients enables children to become good decision-makers.
The magic of Myelin lies in how easily it promotes behavioral change in children, teachers, and parents. At the beginning of the year, Myelin encourages parents to set some age-appropriate “life goals” for their children. These include fundamental values such as responsibility, kindness, empathy, helpfulness, and leadership.
Whenever a child displays a value at home or in school, teachers and parents can log it on Myelin. Myelin also nudges teachers and parents to appreciate a child to endorse good behavior and smart decisions. In addition, Myelin keeps track of the decisions made by the child and lets parents and teachers know if the life goals set at the beginning of the year are within reach.
If a child seems to be making poor decisions repeatedly, teachers and parents will be notified. Teachers can also use Myelin to suggest home activities to address this.
The lives of children are far more complicated and distracted than ever before. In these times, Myelin becomes a great tool to help raise children who develop the conviction and confidence to make independent decisions.
[1] The Development of Judgment and Decision Making in Children and Adolescents. (2006). United Kingdom: Taylor & Francis.
